Monday, 20 August 2012

Story? Probably not.

I awoke with a start.

I was laying on something cold and hard and my head was pounding. I had no idea where I was, much less who I was. I hoped I wasn't in any danger. I tried opening my eyes but with no visual improvement I decided that I was either blind or someone had failed to leave the light on for me. I groped around a bit and decided that I was on a floor. I might be wrong and it might be a ceiling, but I was fairly certain that unless the laws of physics had drastically changed during my time of unconciousness, the chances of it being a ceiling were fairly slim. Either way, I thought to myself, it might be an idea to try and stand up. I don't know why this thought occured to me, but hey, it was something to do... I stood up and immediately regretted the decision when my  head cracked on a low beam. With pain induced bright lights flashing in my eyes I swore a bit, lost my balance and fell over. So far this was going well. I still couldn't remember who I was, this was slightly concerning to me, but the more immediate matter pressing on my mind was where I was, as my bladder decided to inform me that it had reached full capacity. I got onto my knees and crawled in a generally forwards direction. I kept going for a few seconds before suddenly realising that it might be an idea to check my pockets for anything that might be of some help. I stood upright on my knees and started patting myself down. After a few seconds I ascertained that I was wearing a dress of some kind, with some kind of soft and fluffy jacket over it... Handily, in my left pocket was a mobile phone - no signal. A cotton reel and a tea spoon. In my right pocket was a lighter, what appeared on closer inspection (using the lighter to see) to be a packet of methol cigarettes and a red lego brick. Not the best start but two things to light my way at least. I used the lighter to try and see around the room. It was very large and sparse with wooden floorboards, walls and ceiling. I stood completely upright and made my way (carefully) towards the nearest wall. Using the lighter to guide my way I groped along it until I reached a small box with a switch on it. I pushed the switch in and was immediately blinded by a single light bulb in the middle of the ceiling sparking into life. With my eyes barely open I put the lighter back in my pocket and attempted to open them fully. As I blinked around the room I took in everything. The room was empty except for a small wooden box in the centre of the room, near where presumably, I had woken up. There were no doors or windows which was puzzling. By this point I was becoming really concerned about my bladder and it's lack of space. I went over to the small box on the floor and picked it up. It was very basic dark wood with a bronze lock on the front. I couldn't see a key anywhere but felt optimistic that it might hold a clue to my whereabouts or something in it. I thought for a few seconds before remembering the tea spoon in my pocket and, carefully easing it into the crack between box and lid, levered up the lock until the wood splintered and the lid came free.

I stared in amazement. Then I blinked, and then I stared some more. Then I got angry. Inside the box was a solitary slice of toast. This was clearly the work of a mad man. Had I been here before? Did I do this to myself? I sat on the floor frustrated and fed up. I was in a room with no doors or windows, desperately in need of the toilet, with a slice of toast in a box. What the hell was going on??? As I sat there I tried to remember who I was. I had no idea of a name and only hazy memories of a blue sky, a childs laugh and a warm fireplace. Who the hell was I and what was I doing in this sodding room? More to the point, how did I get in here??? At that point one of the walls disappeared. Deciding that my day couldn't possibly get any worse, I stood up and walked to where the wall had been. Behind me the light went out. I walked on in darkness for a few seconds before there was a loud scuffling noise and suddenly I was surrounded by bright light again. Things had improved slightly, I appeared to be in a bathroom of some sort. Everything was gold in colour, the toilet, the sink, the lavish bath with tiger paws at the bottom, there were pot plants in gold pots, even the toilet roll holder was gold coloured. As I caught sight of my reflection in the large mirror above the sink I noticed that the box that contained the toast was now on the side of the sink. I had left it on the floor in the dark. I turned around and the wall that had disappeared to let me in here had been replaced by a deep red velvetty wall with a large sign on it. The sign read "In the interests of hygiene, please wash your hands before leaving the rest room." My bladder, deciding to take matters into it's own hands (so to speak) decided to lurch at this point and remind me that I needed to empty it. So I went and sat on the toilet and after a few seconds, felt a wave of relief rush over me. I remembered to wash my hands and with a nod to the sign, decided to wait and see what happened next. I didn't have to wait long.

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